I would say I've been in the dating game maybe five years now. I had my first love when I was 16...although he didn't love me back, that was the first time I had ever experienced having very strong feelings for someone, it's funny because that wasn't even a "real relationship", but I'm almost certain it's one of the things I asked for...
I had a boyfriend when I was 17, we were together for a year...we were both young so you can imagine the level of commitment we had...but I loved him. Although he never really made me feel special...like buying me little cards or giving me a Valentine's Day gift...I still gave A LOT of myself...but I'm almost certain that was one of the things I asked for...
After him I met a countless number of "potentials". All of them were so nice to me, and liked me so much and said I was girlfriend material. I liked two of them a lot, they were at different times...but each time we had an "understood" relationship. Or so I thought, but I became confused when one all of a sudden got back with his long time girlfriend...and the other up and decided he "wasn't ready". They COULD HAVE worked out...but they lacked honesty, and I'm almost certain that was one of the things I asked for...
Last year I fell in love. Real love. Deep, passionate, make you lose your mind love...I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this one. He said he felt the same...but he tried to control me, belittle me, disrespect me, neglect me, blatantly HURT me, picked me up and put me back down, crushed my self esteem...turned me into someone I had never known and took me to a place I wouldn't dare to go back. I sit back and I reflect...and I'm certain that NONE OF THIS I asked for...
Ladies, aren't you tired of receiving things that you didn't even stick your hand out for? Tired of trying it all over again, saying to yourself "this time will be better", only to realize that this time was worse?! I'm tired of crying at night when I know I asked you to hold me. Tired of confronting women I had no idea of when I know I asked you to tell me! Tired of having HER tell me who she is when I KNOW I asked YOU! Tired of having my heart broken when I know I asked you to protect it! Tired of PLANNED PARENTHOOD when it was NEVER PLANNED! I'm tired of giving my body ONLY to you when you can't even remember the last bed you laid in! Tired of reaping the seeds YOU SEWED when YOU LAID IN THAT BED! Tired of having the doctor to explain what the hell is going on when you "don't know what could have happened"! I'M TIRED OF ALL THE BULL SHIT YOU MEN HAVE GIVEN ME...WHEN I KNOW DAMN WELL I DIDN'T ASK FOR IT...
And you walk around as if we should be grateful. Like we should feel so lucky that you filthy bastards have taken a special interest in us ONLY to destroy our minds with false hopes and confusion...I'm sorry but NO THANK YOU! You can keep your sorry excuses, your pathetic attempts at being "lovers", keep your lies, your dreams, keep those deceitful hugs and kisses that are given the SAME way to me, her,her, and HER! Keep your "special attention" that's really NEVER been THAT DAMN UNIQUE...keep ALL THAT MESS...I don't want it...
What I want...is a MAN, and in him I ask for strength, patience, to be understanding, to be supportive, to fight FOR ME before fighting WITH ME, to accept me as I am, to want the best in everything...I ask for him to have the will to love...THE WILL TO LOVE...I NEED HIM TO HAVE THE WILL TO LOVE!!
And in return...he'll have ALL OF ME PLUS more....everything I have to offer now and the things I will later possess...I'll be more than content with following the crazy demands of love...IF IT'S REAL...
I've given in to a false love for some time now...putting time and energy into black holes...free falling into a bottomless pit of bullshit...never to get reciprocity...But I'm back on my feet and I demand that my demands be met...I DEMAND THAT MY DEMANDS BE MET...I DEMAND THAT MY DEMANDS BE MET!
Don't you dare hand me that bucket of bull shit...GIVE ME WHAT I ASK FOR...
Alondra
(DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT MY PERSONAL STORY...)
My social life sucks and I am far from someone to give advice but I have to say I actually feel sorry for many single women, especially the younger ones. And dare I say especially black women as well. It seems most younger men (and a large portion of older men as well) just outright suck.
ReplyDeleteWhile there is plenty of blame to go around for both genders, it is depressing when I see so many young men who don't even make a effort to be faithful. That have multiple children and the only time they seem to care about them is when they file their taxes. It's depressing when I see more experienced guys taking the role of mentor to someone and trying to teach the less experienced how to cheat without getting caught. For many it seems that you aren't really a man until you make a baby. Doesn't matter with whom. People look at you like you are crazy if you actually want to be monogamous or actually have a relationship with your 'baby momma.'
And I only said 'especially black women' because it seems all the social ills that effect all women seem to be more prevalent in that community, which is also shown in various statistics.
I agree with the guy above me. It is sad to see the level of infidelity in our black community. Its especially sad because it is us ethnically who are supposed to be adamant followers of the Bible...smh.
ReplyDeleteA lot of blame can be thrown around, this is definitely true. And yes, it can go towards both genders. It starts with the men, as we start the cycle and continue the cycle by socializing our youth and even friends to believe that this is the way to live, as far as relationships.
But I also believe part of the blame can be placed on women as well. Its sad to see some are so desparate for the "glories" of being in a relationship that they'll settle for anything. Some have also been socialized to believe that cheating guys are all that's out there, so they generalize with the entire male species.
I am a guy that's been hurt in the past...but one thing I've seen is it starts with you. Make a difference and dare to be different than what society has made us out to be. There is hope for ppl like us who love hard and cherish fidelity.
Thanks for your comments!! I'm excited that men have something to say about it! I was afraid of being deemed a "man basher", but in no way am I saying that we, as women, don't play a significant role in our own upsets. Unfortunately, this is the life that many of us live when it comes to relationships.
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome. Both genders are very much at fault, but the change starts with one person. If we encourage change, we will get there. Its a process.
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