Relationships...can't live with them, can't live without them. I say that because, when in a relationship, you are at your most vulnerable point. No longer are you concerned with how you view yourself, but you care what your significant other thinks, maybe even more than you do yourself. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that; it's completely natural. It's a frustrating thing though, to know that there is someone that can get the best of you even when you don't want to let them. This person has the ability to make you laugh, cry, angry, happy...in a sense they can control your emotions. At the end of the day, all you really want to do is be happy. You want to make them happy, so they can make you happy and you both be happy together. But is it just me or do you become the most vulnerable, gullible person on this road to happiness? It takes a lot of selflessness in order to make someone else happy...it's something you really have to WANT to do. But although your intentions are good, you are in turn setting yourself up for the biggest fear of relationships: HEARTBREAK. When you begin to invest into someone, you then open up that door for them to possibly hurt you like you may have been before. Having to deal with the the disappointment of an unsuccessful relationship after you've done what you thought you were supposed to do is heartbreaking in itself...on top of the reason for its end.
...And after it ends we're back at square one...being alone preparing ourselves to do it all over again. But do we really have to do it ALL over again? I say...NO! You see, in the process of a relationship we tend to accept things that we know aren't right in an effort to keep the relationship from ending. We, as women, have that very bad. We get so caught up in trying to make things okay when we know good and well that it simply wasn't. There are so many times that we attempt to bite bullets that somehow find a way penetrating right through our hearts. We try to sweep things under the rug in hopes that it will disappear...but sooner or later that very rug is going to have to come up...and that dirt will still be there...still a problem.
Now, I'm not going to tell you to never love again...that would be crazy talk, but I say that it should only be once in your lifetime that love seriously made you do and accept some crazy things. After that, we should consider "living and learning" and applying it to our love lives. Some people confuse that concept with having "baggage"...but it's two totally different things. If a woman just simply doesn't give a man a try at all and immediately has strikes against him then that's baggage. You should make it a point to trust if a man hasn't given you reason not to. BUT if a new man is showing some of the same characteristics you've seen from failures in the past, then by right, you can say something or take some type of action. After all the B.S. you should have some type of standards set and the next man should meet those or at least come close...and if he doesn't, you can make the choice then and there if you want to stick around. You know the things that hurt you and the things you couldn't really deal with...so why would you do that again? We have to stop looking at leaving as a bad thing. It's not always the worst decision if it's well thought out. If you are having continuous problems in a relationship and it seems that no matter what you say or how much you say it, it doesn't go away...then that's an open invitation to leave. (MEN, this can apply to you too so I'm not "man-bashing", just speaking from a woman's point of view.) You have to remember that while your goal is to make him happy, his should be the same for you...and if it isn't...then what really do you have in common? And if you have nothing in common...what are you doing in a relationship? It's true that heartbreak is inevitable...but we can control how it gets broken sometimes. Much like a storm. Any fool can tell when it's about to storm it's gloomy, gray, and cloudy...and you can either stay in or go out. If you stay in, you'll be sad that it's raining, but you'll be glad you decided not to go out and have the wind blowing you, clothes drenched, and your umbrella blown apart, which is all awful!
I say all this to say...don't be afraid to be vocal when it comes to relationships. You deserve the best and you shouldn't allow yourself to settle for anything less. No man or woman is going to be perfect...but they should try their hardest to make love a little easier for you. There may be a time when you realize that you may be much better off alone...and there doesn't have to be any hard feelings. It's just the fact that at that moment, that person simply doesn't compliment you and your needs. Don't look at it as a loss, but a possibility to win. You should never be too vulnerable to say..."You know what, I just can't do this with you right now..." If you don't, you could potentially set yourself up for more disappointments and more heartbreak. But don't let the fear of pain keep you from at least trying again...if a man or woman wants to love you and wants to do right by you...LET THEM!! You won't get too many people like that in a life time.
They say love has no definition...but it has millions. They're all significant to the individual;love is defined by our own standards and how you want to feel...so continue to be open to the idea but don't let the idea control you. What is meant to be will be...or in better words "What GOD has for me...IT IS FOR ME".
LOVE
Alondra
